I had travelled thousands of miles on the hardest trip of my life to be with a woman whom I believed to be an animal communicator, an incarnation of the Divine Mother, and a proponent of sacred Oneness. From the moment I arrived, however, I felt something was wrong. On the first evening of our 12-day silent retreat, imagine my shock when Sri Amma Karunamayi, whom many have called an incarnation of the Divine Mother, said to all devotees, "There are dogs in the ashram. Don't give them love and don't give them food."

I did not have the insight at that point to realize I was about to have one of the greatest growth experiences of my life and that Divine Grace and Tanuka spirit (see related article, this issue) were behind it. Instead, I listened in stunned disbelief.

I knew Amma Karunamayi loved animals, I had seen her with them in the U.S. How could she tell people to deny food or love to dogs? What was going on here?

The following morning it happened that I met the two dogs She had spoken of. They were both very sweet, loving dogs who said they would never harm anyone. One of them, the one pictured above, I named "Mommy Dog." Why would She want us to deny them love or food? It made no sense. What was going on?

The next morning, as Mommy Dog approached our meditation hall, I was horrified to see an ashram employee take a 5-foot by 4" stick and hit the dog hard enough to make it cry out in pain and fall to the ground. I chased after the man, who quickly put his stick up against a wall and fled. In response to my question, the dog said, "Yes, this has happened before." The dog would be okay, I quickly assessed. But I was not.

It was a silent retreat and written notes were the only accepted form of communication. I wrote a note asking how this could happen in Amma's own ashram, that a dog would be beaten with a stick and cry out in pain and fall to the ground? I presented the note to Swamiji, Amma's 'right-hand-man'. He replied out loud, "Mother (Amma) does not know about this." I angrily thought, "But She says She's an incarnation of the Divine Mother and She knows everything. So either She knows everything and She's condoning this behavior, or She's not telling us the truth, that She knows everything." It felt logical to me at the time. It did not occur to me until later, that sometimes the Divine needs US to bring things to Its attention. Nor did it occur that what appeared to me to be happening, wasn't what was happening at all ... in line with the Zen saying, "It's not what you think it is. And neither is it otherwise." A major lesson had been orchestrated for me and I was in the middle of it and not seeing it yet.

Later that day, the other dog approached the meditation hall. One of the many guards in the Ashram immediately went after the dog with his large stick. I ran and put my body between the dog and the stick. Afterwards I realized this was foolish, to intervene in affairs involving a guard in a foreign country in an Ashram hours away from civilization. But I wasn't thinking that at the time, I saw a harmless dog about to be beaten and I refused to let that happen.

I had gotten no response from Swamiji at this point so I went to the head American who was helping to run the event. I broke silence and said to him, "Michael, I saw a dog inside this Ashram be beaten with a stick so hard that it cried out and fell to the ground in pain. I chased the Ashram employee and he ran away. And a few minutes ago, a guard with a stick went after another dog. I intercepted him, to make him stop. Michael, I'm going to continue to put my body between men with sticks intent on hurting harmless dogs here in this Ashram. It's wrong. And if it continues, there's going to be an incident, because I'm doing to continue to try to stop it. This has to stop. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

Michael nodded and said he would say something. He did, because that afternoon, Amma Karunamayi motioned to have the dog who was beaten be given some food, the very dog she had a few days before said to not feed.

I was happy the dog was given food. Then I started to worry about what would happen after the "devotees", most of us Americans, left? I was very unsettled. I was judging the Ashram. I was judging Amma Karunamayi. The dogs were used to being beaten, they said. I knew such things happened many, many places in India. But in this Ashram? A "holy " place? How could this be? My meditations were full of anger and frustration. I could feel the anger like a poison, creating commotion in my mind and body. I felt the energy of righteous indignation, a familiar emotion for me, it flamed up for me whenever I saw a wrong I felt needed to be righted. Perhaps the abuse to a dog hit me even stronger, because I had just helped my beloved Tanuka drop his body. There is very little that would have tested me so thoroughly as witnessed abuse of an animal or a child. I was also aggravated by the fact that Swamiji finally responded to my written concerns and said that the dogs were different in India than in the U.S., and that it was only a problem because we were there and that everything would go back to normal after we had left. To me that translated to, "This isn't your business and we're not changing anything."

I continued to meditatate intently, continued to chant the words Amma Karunamayi had taught us to release mental commotion and bring mental peace. And somewhere around the third or fourth day of this internal turmoil, I remembered something the Dalai Lama had said when I was with him in September: "All there is, is ignorance and enlightenment. When faced with ignorance, respond with compassion."

I also remembered something Joan Borysenko shared when we were in Bali together, that unconditional love to her meant not keeping a record of wrong- doings, it is the form of forgiveness known as "freedomness". For me, that meant forgiving, letting it go, keeping the wisdom or the learning and the love without judgement, not condoning, but definitely letting myself be free of any poison from the situation or event ... the unconditional love and the spiritual discernment my beloved Tanuka had modelled for me for so many years.

A very powerful question formed in my being: What if instead of responding with anger, I responded with compassion? What if I held the resonance of the possibility of correct and humane treatment of animals, but didn't do it from a place of anger or righteous indignation, but rather, from enlightened compassion? How much more powerful would I be, in helping to bring about humane treatment and oneness? I remembered in this moment, something Albert Einstein had said: "A problem cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness that created it."

Immediately I felt the anger and the righteous indignation drain out of me. I felt a tremendous uplifting, a clear resolve, a huge dimensional shift, an in-filling of enormous spiritual strength. I knew in that moment that I could be extremely grateful for the amazing learnings of being taught meditation by a master of meditation, while also knowing that I am aligned with humane treatment of animals and could let go of this Ashram and the events in it. I knew that I could have respectful love for Amma Karunamayi, who is totally dedicated to helping the people in her region and has made a huge difference for them and others in many ways; and I could feel compassion that for some reason she in India felt she had to choose between the people and the animals and had chosen the people. I also came to realize that what was wrong in the first place, was that I was in that Ashram, and that my soul is aligned elsewhere.

A few days later, I traveled to the Ashram of Sathya Sai Baba (see related story). Mile by mile as I left the Karunamayi Ashram, I felt lighter and lighter, more and more expanded, happier and happier. I was delighted to find that all the animals I met in Baba's Ashram were happy, that none had been abused at all since they had entered the Ashram walls and that all were amply fed. Birds sang happily sharing their day and dogs walked safely and comfortably amongst the thousands of people. I proceeded to have one of the most spiritually expanding and happiest experiences of my life, while also feeling eternally grateful for the earlier growth experience and the deep understanding of unconditional love. Thank you, beloved Divine Grace, Tanuka and Baba!

Each mind may process a 12-day silent retreat with 4- 1/2 hours' daily meditation differently. My process was extremely powerful. By day 2, I began to realize how much of my former thought and speech was non- essential. Shortly after that, I began to watch my mind being itself, all the fears and other negative patterns it had trained itself into running over the decades of my life arising and letting me know they were there and how they worked. By day 6, as the mind-stuff started to dissipate, elevations started to happen. I experienced as my on-going state what before I had known intellectually was possible: that we are all stillness in motion, silence in action. The silence is beyond words, beyond thoughts, ever- present, all-present.

And the nature of the silence is pure love.

I had multiple strong intentions for my "India" experience: I wanted to eliminate negativity, develop the ability to keep a clear, focused mind, deepen my awareness, increase my abilitites to express compassion, and come to exude joy as my natural state of being.

I am deeply grateful to Sathya Sai Baba, Tanuka, Divine Grace, and all my many Angels and Guides for having granted me the fulfillment of my intentions! Baba has been a Guide for me for decades and I've held a strong "inner" view of Him ... and now, I've been within a few feet of Him as well! When I was with Him, I had a strong feeling that this must have been what it was like to be with Jesus Christ, the Divine Presence and the Love and the Grace are SO strong around Baba!

I happened to be in Puttaparthy during extremely auspicious days. When Sai Baba passed me in his small moving car on my first day of Darshan (blessing) with Him in his Ashram, I felt him take hold of my heart, hold it in his hands, and embrace it completely with the most exquisite love! On the second day of Darshan with him, the New Year Celebration, I delighted in chanting and dancers from all over India, there to help celebrate not only the New Year but also His 80th birthday!

Baba teaches there is only one religion, the religion of Love. He wishes not for followers or devotees. What he wishes for, is that we all follow the highest ideals of truth, right conduct, peace, love, and nonviolence. His Ashram's name is Prasanthi Nilayam, which means "abode of the highest peace". It was my experience, that the Ashram is full of peace. His message: If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.

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